considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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