drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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