But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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