My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
