That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I love you. Go after that dick
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