I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
