I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Randomize
