my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
