the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
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You. Win. At. Life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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