Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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