I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
