I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
