for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
