Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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