No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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