I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
