Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
