Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
