trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
