You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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