I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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