I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
