Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
