I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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