talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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