So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
