Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
