so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i came on her dog
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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