It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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