White coat. Heels.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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