they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My ass is underappreciated
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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