Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She's the barista slut.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
