she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
