Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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