Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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