they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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