I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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