i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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