this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
