I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
