every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
