he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
lets start a swedish sibling band together
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
