hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
