Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
