Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
