he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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