I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
