i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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