Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
