Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
