how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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