he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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