have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
