hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
